Dan, you were right. Year-end "best-of" lists that come out several weeks before the end of the year are premature and can come back to bite you in the ass. I bow to your useless knowledge.
Therefore, I have to make a couple of updates to my list. I've recently come into possession of two albums that I didn't not have when I wrote my list last week. And they both fucking rock. So, instead of re-posting the entire list of albums from my previous entry, I will just post my "new" top twenty with the two new additions in bold.
Here it is:
Bob's Top Twenty Albums of 2007 (with that new car smell)
20. Iron & Wine - The Shepherd's Dog
19. Eluvium - Copia
18. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
17. Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
16. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
15. Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band - Magic
14. Levon Helm - Dirt Farmer
13. The New Pornographers - Challengers
12. Menomena - Friend and Foe
11. Jens Lekman - Night Falls on Kortedala
10. Yeasayer - All Hour Cymbals
9. Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
8. Cloud Cult - The Meaning of 8
7. MGMT - Ocular Spectacular
6. The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
5. The Mother Hips - Kiss the Crystal Flake
4. Okkervil River - The Stage Names
3. Josh Ritter - The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter
2. The Avett Brothers - Emotionalism
1. The National - Boxer
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
The Best Albums of 2007
That's right, folks! It's that time of the year again already!
- and I'm not talking about those darkening December days when it's socially acceptable to start drinking heavily at 4:30pm...that's just a noticeably positive side effect of this time of the year -
I'm talking about that special special time of the year when people start to come out with "Best Of.." lists! I'm sure that I could list off "best ofs" in several different categories, but my main area of interest happens to be music, so I think that I'll continue an annual trend and list my - THE BEST ALBUMS OF 2007!
As always, I only list albums that I, myself, purchased in 2007. I don't think that it's fair to just randomly assign numbers to albums that I haven't spent a good deal of time listening to. So...on my list, you will not find Smoke by White Williams, The Besnard Lakes are the Dark Horse by The Besnard Lakes, Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem, or Graduation by Kanye West - amongst many, many other probably worthy competitors.
My list will include all of the new albums that I bought in 2007 - rated from worst to best (some of them will have little descriptions explaining why they're rated where they're rated. Keep in mind, however - that these are just the albums that I bought this year - so I thought enough of these to actually buy them to begin with.
I always enjoy writing this (mostly because I'm a music freak)...so I hope that you enjoy reading it. Without further adieu, I give you my
BEST ALBUMS OF 2007
64. Son Volt - The Search
Oddly, I really looked forward to this album. After 2005's Okemah and the Melody of Riot, I thought that Farrar and company had turned a corner. Alas, the band seems to have abandoned it's transition toward roots-rock in favor of, well, The Search. And that's not a good thing. I didn't really enjoy this album at all. Boring.
63. Ben Lee - Ripe
Awake is the New Sleep was excellent. Ripe is not. At all. It's filled with cliche-riddled pop songs with no depth - some of them even blatantly catered to fit into the coveted "primetime television series soundtrack" genre. Just listen to the song "American Television" and tell me I'm wrong.
62. Assembly of Dust - Recollection
61. Addison Groove Project - Waiting Room
60. Papercuts - Can't Go Back
59. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
I know for a fact that this album will show up on a lot of critic's top ten lists at the end of the year. I always find Animal Collective tolerable, but never overly listenable. I had heard that this one was "different" and more accessible. But mainly, I just found it weird - and repetitive. And - amazingly enough - pretty boring because of it.
58. Apostle of Hustle - National Anthem of Nowhere
57. The Clientele - God Save the Clientele
56. I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends
55. P.G. Six - Slightly Sorry
This album from little known NYC indie includes one of my favorite songs of the year - "The Dance." A great song on an otherwise okay album.
54. Blue Scholars - Bayani
Probably the only hiphop album I bought this year (I'm not a huge hiphop guy) is very very good. But like I said, I'm not a huge hiphop guy. So there you have it.
53. Greyboy Allstars - What Happened to Television?
52. The Twilight Sad - Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters
51. Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
50. Tishamingo - The Point
49. Dr. Dog - We All Belong
These guys are fantastic live. Great energy. Album is very good, too.
48. Rogue Wave - Asleep at Heaven's Gate
47. Against Me! - New Wave
46. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?
45. A Band of Bees - Octopus
44. Elvis Perkins - Ash Wednesday
43. Dungen - Tio Bitar (Swedish psychedelia! Yes!)
42. The Sea and Cake - Everybody
41. Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta
This album is "batshit crazy" - but includes one of my favorite lines of any song this year - on "Supertheory of Supereverything" the lyrics go:
"First time I had read the Bible
It had stroke my as unwitty
I think it may started rumor
That the Lord aint' got no humor"
40. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81
39. Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals - Lifeline
38. Steve Earle - Washington Square Serenade
37. Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated
36. Trey Anastasio - Horseshoe Curve
35. Brent Amaker and the Rodeo - Brent Amaker and the Rodeo
Unless you're from Seattle, you probably haven't heard of these guys. They're like a mix between Johnny Cash and Southern Culture on the Skids - just pure ridiculous macho bravado, but with a great footstomping country beat.
34. Dappled Cities - Granddance
33. Umphrey's McGee - The Bottom Half
32. ALO - Roses and Clover
31. The Gourds - Noble Creatures
30. Graham Parker - Please Don't Tell Columbus
The song "Please Don't Tell Columbus" is one of my favorites of the entire year. Just a genius critique of the current state of America. The rest of the album from this former punker turner agitated folky is great, too.
29. Great Lake Swimmers - Ongiara
28. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - This is Somewhere
27. Eddie Vedder - Soundtrack to the Motion Picture Into the Wild
This is a great movie - and the soundtrack goes with it perfectly. A few of the songs on this sucker stick with you - especially if you share in my love for the original book by Jon Krakauer.
26. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand
Great album from an unlikely duo. It works, though - it definitely works.
25. moe. - The Conch
24. The Fratellis - Costello Music
23. Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings - 100 Days, 100 Nights
I love Sharon Jones. There, I said it.
22. The White Stripes - Icky Thump
21. MIKA - Life in Cartoon Motion
20. Feist - The Reminder
19. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
Hopefully she'll be alive long enough for a follow-up to this fantastic album. I would probably put it higher on my list if Amy Winehouse didn't annoy the shit out of me so much.
18. Iron & Wine - The Shepherd's Dog
17. Eluvium - Copia
16. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
15. Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
This album would be one of those archetype of genius albums if it would have had 3 or 4 more solid songs. As it is, it's a great album - but - and this is a big but - it feels rushed. Like this excellent band was trying to capitalize on the success of their latest album Everything All The Time. Which was unnecessary because they're a really good band and will be around for awhile. The album is really really short - and has a random 1-minute instrumental "filler." I'm telling you - with 3 or 4 more decent songs, this would have been an epic album.
14. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
13. Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band - Magic
12. Levon Helm - Dirt Farmer
For more on this album and why it's so high on my list - besides the fact that it's a frigging fantastic Americana/bluegrass/roots album - read my blog from a few months ago.
11. The New Pornographers - Challengers
10. Menomena - Friend and Foe
9. Jens Lekman - Night Falls on Kortedala
This guy is a fantastic writer. Simultaneously dark and dreary and utterly hilarious.
8. Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
7. Cloud Cult - The Meaning of 8
6. The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
5. The Mother Hips - Kiss the Crystal Flake
4. Okkervil River - The Stage Names
3. Josh Ritter - The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter
When I first got this album, I wasn't sold on it. The writing doesn't seem to be as "put together" as his last few albums. However, that's for a reason - this is Ritter's "loose" album - time to get a little crazy and put together some songs that will work better for a band in a live setting. And after some time digesting it...I really, really, really love this album. Not quite as much as last year's #1 album The Animal Years, but #3 is pretty damn good, as well.
2. The Avett Brothers - Emotionalism
My vote for song of the year is a tie between "Shame" and "Die, Die, Die" by the Avett Brothers and "Fake Empire" by...
1. The National - Boxer
The album starts out with my favorite song of the entire year named "Fake Empire" (the part where the drums come in around the 1:43 mark is - by far - my favorite few seconds of studio music in all of 2007) and doesn't slow down from there. This is an absolutely fantastic album. The entire thing is solid - with great lyrics, interesting lead vocals, and great music. This has been my #1 since it came out in late May. I've been waiting for another album to come along and take over the top spot, but it just hasn't happened. This is the epic album of the year. And I'm guessing that quite a few critics, magazines, and bloggers will agree with me.
- and I'm not talking about those darkening December days when it's socially acceptable to start drinking heavily at 4:30pm...that's just a noticeably positive side effect of this time of the year -
I'm talking about that special special time of the year when people start to come out with "Best Of.." lists! I'm sure that I could list off "best ofs" in several different categories, but my main area of interest happens to be music, so I think that I'll continue an annual trend and list my - THE BEST ALBUMS OF 2007!
As always, I only list albums that I, myself, purchased in 2007. I don't think that it's fair to just randomly assign numbers to albums that I haven't spent a good deal of time listening to. So...on my list, you will not find Smoke by White Williams, The Besnard Lakes are the Dark Horse by The Besnard Lakes, Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem, or Graduation by Kanye West - amongst many, many other probably worthy competitors.
My list will include all of the new albums that I bought in 2007 - rated from worst to best (some of them will have little descriptions explaining why they're rated where they're rated. Keep in mind, however - that these are just the albums that I bought this year - so I thought enough of these to actually buy them to begin with.
I always enjoy writing this (mostly because I'm a music freak)...so I hope that you enjoy reading it. Without further adieu, I give you my
BEST ALBUMS OF 2007
64. Son Volt - The Search
Oddly, I really looked forward to this album. After 2005's Okemah and the Melody of Riot, I thought that Farrar and company had turned a corner. Alas, the band seems to have abandoned it's transition toward roots-rock in favor of, well, The Search. And that's not a good thing. I didn't really enjoy this album at all. Boring.
63. Ben Lee - Ripe
Awake is the New Sleep was excellent. Ripe is not. At all. It's filled with cliche-riddled pop songs with no depth - some of them even blatantly catered to fit into the coveted "primetime television series soundtrack" genre. Just listen to the song "American Television" and tell me I'm wrong.
62. Assembly of Dust - Recollection
61. Addison Groove Project - Waiting Room
60. Papercuts - Can't Go Back
59. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
I know for a fact that this album will show up on a lot of critic's top ten lists at the end of the year. I always find Animal Collective tolerable, but never overly listenable. I had heard that this one was "different" and more accessible. But mainly, I just found it weird - and repetitive. And - amazingly enough - pretty boring because of it.
58. Apostle of Hustle - National Anthem of Nowhere
57. The Clientele - God Save the Clientele
56. I'm From Barcelona - Let Me Introduce My Friends
55. P.G. Six - Slightly Sorry
This album from little known NYC indie includes one of my favorite songs of the year - "The Dance." A great song on an otherwise okay album.
54. Blue Scholars - Bayani
Probably the only hiphop album I bought this year (I'm not a huge hiphop guy) is very very good. But like I said, I'm not a huge hiphop guy. So there you have it.
53. Greyboy Allstars - What Happened to Television?
52. The Twilight Sad - Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters
51. Bright Eyes - Cassadaga
50. Tishamingo - The Point
49. Dr. Dog - We All Belong
These guys are fantastic live. Great energy. Album is very good, too.
48. Rogue Wave - Asleep at Heaven's Gate
47. Against Me! - New Wave
46. Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?
45. A Band of Bees - Octopus
44. Elvis Perkins - Ash Wednesday
43. Dungen - Tio Bitar (Swedish psychedelia! Yes!)
42. The Sea and Cake - Everybody
41. Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta
This album is "batshit crazy" - but includes one of my favorite lines of any song this year - on "Supertheory of Supereverything" the lyrics go:
"First time I had read the Bible
It had stroke my as unwitty
I think it may started rumor
That the Lord aint' got no humor"
40. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81
39. Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals - Lifeline
38. Steve Earle - Washington Square Serenade
37. Art Brut - It's a Bit Complicated
36. Trey Anastasio - Horseshoe Curve
35. Brent Amaker and the Rodeo - Brent Amaker and the Rodeo
Unless you're from Seattle, you probably haven't heard of these guys. They're like a mix between Johnny Cash and Southern Culture on the Skids - just pure ridiculous macho bravado, but with a great footstomping country beat.
34. Dappled Cities - Granddance
33. Umphrey's McGee - The Bottom Half
32. ALO - Roses and Clover
31. The Gourds - Noble Creatures
30. Graham Parker - Please Don't Tell Columbus
The song "Please Don't Tell Columbus" is one of my favorites of the entire year. Just a genius critique of the current state of America. The rest of the album from this former punker turner agitated folky is great, too.
29. Great Lake Swimmers - Ongiara
28. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals - This is Somewhere
27. Eddie Vedder - Soundtrack to the Motion Picture Into the Wild
This is a great movie - and the soundtrack goes with it perfectly. A few of the songs on this sucker stick with you - especially if you share in my love for the original book by Jon Krakauer.
26. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss - Raising Sand
Great album from an unlikely duo. It works, though - it definitely works.
25. moe. - The Conch
24. The Fratellis - Costello Music
23. Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings - 100 Days, 100 Nights
I love Sharon Jones. There, I said it.
22. The White Stripes - Icky Thump
21. MIKA - Life in Cartoon Motion
20. Feist - The Reminder
19. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black
Hopefully she'll be alive long enough for a follow-up to this fantastic album. I would probably put it higher on my list if Amy Winehouse didn't annoy the shit out of me so much.
18. Iron & Wine - The Shepherd's Dog
17. Eluvium - Copia
16. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
15. Band of Horses - Cease to Begin
This album would be one of those archetype of genius albums if it would have had 3 or 4 more solid songs. As it is, it's a great album - but - and this is a big but - it feels rushed. Like this excellent band was trying to capitalize on the success of their latest album Everything All The Time. Which was unnecessary because they're a really good band and will be around for awhile. The album is really really short - and has a random 1-minute instrumental "filler." I'm telling you - with 3 or 4 more decent songs, this would have been an epic album.
14. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
13. Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band - Magic
12. Levon Helm - Dirt Farmer
For more on this album and why it's so high on my list - besides the fact that it's a frigging fantastic Americana/bluegrass/roots album - read my blog from a few months ago.
11. The New Pornographers - Challengers
10. Menomena - Friend and Foe
9. Jens Lekman - Night Falls on Kortedala
This guy is a fantastic writer. Simultaneously dark and dreary and utterly hilarious.
8. Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
7. Cloud Cult - The Meaning of 8
6. The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
5. The Mother Hips - Kiss the Crystal Flake
4. Okkervil River - The Stage Names
3. Josh Ritter - The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter
When I first got this album, I wasn't sold on it. The writing doesn't seem to be as "put together" as his last few albums. However, that's for a reason - this is Ritter's "loose" album - time to get a little crazy and put together some songs that will work better for a band in a live setting. And after some time digesting it...I really, really, really love this album. Not quite as much as last year's #1 album The Animal Years, but #3 is pretty damn good, as well.
2. The Avett Brothers - Emotionalism
My vote for song of the year is a tie between "Shame" and "Die, Die, Die" by the Avett Brothers and "Fake Empire" by...
1. The National - Boxer
The album starts out with my favorite song of the entire year named "Fake Empire" (the part where the drums come in around the 1:43 mark is - by far - my favorite few seconds of studio music in all of 2007) and doesn't slow down from there. This is an absolutely fantastic album. The entire thing is solid - with great lyrics, interesting lead vocals, and great music. This has been my #1 since it came out in late May. I've been waiting for another album to come along and take over the top spot, but it just hasn't happened. This is the epic album of the year. And I'm guessing that quite a few critics, magazines, and bloggers will agree with me.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
The Obligatory Thanksgiving Blog
In his blog from a few weeks ago, my friend Dan wrote at length about the "Woody Allen Question," a query based on a question asked of Woody Allen's character in the movie Manhattan. His character, Isaac Davis, is asked (i'm paraphrasing): "what are the things that make life worth living?"
In true Woody Allen fashion, he neurotically answers the question with a lot of "uhs...," "hmmms...," "wells...," and various sentence fragments about art, movies, music, and culture.
Well, I know that I've touched on the fringes of this question before and probably answered it peripherally, but I don't believe that I've ever really attacked it head-on. And seeing as how Thanksgiving just passed us by, I figure that it 'tis the season to think about the things that are truly important in life.
Specifically, in my life.
Now - how to approach this?
Hmmm....well, obviously this is a difficult question to answer. For a couple of reasons. The most obvious being that the question itself is very, very general. There are hundreds (if not thousands or millions) of things in the world that make "life worth living" for people. To distill these endless possibilities into a list of your own personal "things to be thankful for" is quite difficult.
On a secondary level, this is a difficult question for me on a personal level. This is the case mostly because I've been such an insufferable bastard for the past couple of years. "What?" you ask? Come on, folks...you don't have to pretend to be shocked. I'll admit it...I have been cynical and negative and probably kind of a pain in the ass to spend time with.
Worst of all, however, I know when I act like that. One thing that I will say for myself is that I'm exceptionally self-aware - and pretty astute. I tend to realize what situation I'm in, how I'm reacting to it, and how others are reacting to me all of the time - which is both a blessing and a curse. Lately, my attitude and resulting interactions with people seems to have been an ongoing series of bizarre scenarios where I actually know that I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing - acting like a jerk, being annoyed/annoying, treating people badly, complaining about stuff, being overtly negative, getting angry for no apparent reason - and for whatever reason, I am nearly powerless to stop it. In some ways, it feels like I've conditioned myself toward these types of reactions.
You see, my entire personality and outlook changed while I lived in Seattle. Don't get me wrong - I've always been sarcastic and a bit cynical - but prior to the last few years, I always held a pretty positive perspective on the world (and the people in it). Even though I am a natural introvert, I really enjoyed the process of communal interaction. I was generally cheerful, often just plain goofy, and usually quite considerate and caring, even though my sense of humor tended to be relatively dark and I definitely had the propensity for periods of extreme instrospection and sometimes - might as well not candy-coat it - depression (which were usually pretty short and kept pretty personal).
I moved to Seattle (and the West Coast, in general) with very good intentions and an excited, eager - hell, nearly a giddy outlook. I was flat-out happy to be moving to an area that I had built up so much in my mind. To me, the Pacific Northwest was the epitome of "cool" - where music, nature, cofee, and outdoor sports ruled and laid back and progressive attitudes prevailed. Well, you could say that I was slightly underwhelmed by the time that I spent there - not by the area, mind you (the natural surroundings are AWESOME out there) - but by the lack of meaningful friendships that we were able to foster and our seeming inability to find comfortable social surroundings. While I definitely did make good friends - friends that I truly value and appreciate - I really never felt accepted or welcomed by Seattle in general. Although very polite, Seattle is absolutely notorious for being a very unfriendly place for those perceived as "outsiders." It's called "The Seattle Freeze" and people have written about it...like this article, for instance (which sums it up quite nicely).
At least partially due to this, somewhere in the last four years, I seem to have developed a sort of wall around myself. I became very cynical and negative - and created a persona for myself that seemed to scream, "you know what? who gives a shit." After awhile (and after coming to the realization that my efforts to make friends seemed to be a pretty futile enterprise), I pretty much stopped making an effort to be pleasant to people and started saying pretty much whatever I was thinking - which was usually quite negative. A few people thought that this was pretty funny and those people tended to like me. Most people were probably somewhat alienated by it - which was fine with me - I was feeling alienated, anyway.
The issue with the "who gives a shit" attitude - for me, at least - is that deep down, I really do give a shit. This is problematic. When your external persona doesn't match your internal composition, you're pretty much asking for personal trouble.
After a couple of years of feeling pretty "down" about everything and really wanting to get back to the east coast to be closer to family, I have come to the conclusion that I really don't like the personality that I've developed over the past few years. It's all sarcasm, cynicism, and cold intellect - which is great for an observational comedian or someone who succeeds wildly at pub trivia - but not so much for someone who is generally lonely and just wants to make friends in unfamiliar places. My personality has become a series of self-defense mechanisms. That's not me - not really, anyway.
Wow, those preceeding few paragraphs were the most personal things that I've written in quite awhile. Didn't expect all of that to come out. Anyway - sorry for the long and personal diatribe about my mental shortcomings...but this does relate to the original topic...and hey...at least I'm being honest.
Back to the original point...in conjunction with development of my irritating alterna-personality, it also seems that I have somehow lost my ability to decipher what it is that I really enjoy. I don't enjoy much of anything in the truest sense of the word lately. I don't even really get excited about things that I know that I really like. Which makes it pretty damn hard to write out a list of "things that make life worth living" or "things to be truly thankful for."
I mean - it's easy to write this list in generalities - you can put together a list of "stuff I'm thankful for" in about two seconds if you don't really give it any thought. For most people, a list consisting of: family, friends, neighbors, their town/city, pets, love, a scattering of nature-related references, and a few random material things would most likely suffice. A list like that could be written by a second-grader for a class project in about 15 minutes (figuring in breaks for paste-eating and vigorous nose-picking).
But when you're considering this list, I think that it's more important that you be specific. What - exactly - do you value? What makes you happy?
Well, now that I've bored you with an exceptionally long (and likely irritating) introduction, here is my list of "things to be thankful for" and/or "things that make life worth living." It's by no means a complete list, but these are the things that come to my mind when I consider my own contentment.
Thanks for reading.
The feeling I get from writing.
A cold wind.
Climbing on rocks, but not necessarily rock climbing.
Seeing my family happy.
Anticapatory gut tightening before plummeting down a steep ski run.
Pumpkins and hay rides.
Trying to see things from a kid's perspective.
Watching someone slip on ice (but not get hurt).
Discovering good music and sharing it with someone else.
Cold water after hiking.
Going to the city after awhile in the country.
Going to the country after awhile in the city.
Being the DJ.
Getting excited and happy about little, stupid things.
Kerry laughing.
Boat rides.
Humor.
Traveling and seeing something new.
Books that make me laugh and think simultaneously.
Playing basketball.
Creating something unique.
Hearing from someone unexpected.
Crudely drawn robots.
The Adirondacks.
The Avett Brothers' song "Die, Die, Die."
Snow.
Chubby babies.
The eerie, yet awkwardly reassuring silence of the forest.
Water fights.
Seeing someone succeed who really deserves it.
Waking up in the parking lot of a music festival.
My big red VW van.
Collaboration with friends.
Grungy and gritty music venues.
Sunday afternoon football.
Reading by candlelight and pretending that makes you cooler than you actually are.
Doing something other people can enjoy.
In true Woody Allen fashion, he neurotically answers the question with a lot of "uhs...," "hmmms...," "wells...," and various sentence fragments about art, movies, music, and culture.
Well, I know that I've touched on the fringes of this question before and probably answered it peripherally, but I don't believe that I've ever really attacked it head-on. And seeing as how Thanksgiving just passed us by, I figure that it 'tis the season to think about the things that are truly important in life.
Specifically, in my life.
Now - how to approach this?
Hmmm....well, obviously this is a difficult question to answer. For a couple of reasons. The most obvious being that the question itself is very, very general. There are hundreds (if not thousands or millions) of things in the world that make "life worth living" for people. To distill these endless possibilities into a list of your own personal "things to be thankful for" is quite difficult.
On a secondary level, this is a difficult question for me on a personal level. This is the case mostly because I've been such an insufferable bastard for the past couple of years. "What?" you ask? Come on, folks...you don't have to pretend to be shocked. I'll admit it...I have been cynical and negative and probably kind of a pain in the ass to spend time with.
Worst of all, however, I know when I act like that. One thing that I will say for myself is that I'm exceptionally self-aware - and pretty astute. I tend to realize what situation I'm in, how I'm reacting to it, and how others are reacting to me all of the time - which is both a blessing and a curse. Lately, my attitude and resulting interactions with people seems to have been an ongoing series of bizarre scenarios where I actually know that I'm doing something that I shouldn't be doing - acting like a jerk, being annoyed/annoying, treating people badly, complaining about stuff, being overtly negative, getting angry for no apparent reason - and for whatever reason, I am nearly powerless to stop it. In some ways, it feels like I've conditioned myself toward these types of reactions.
You see, my entire personality and outlook changed while I lived in Seattle. Don't get me wrong - I've always been sarcastic and a bit cynical - but prior to the last few years, I always held a pretty positive perspective on the world (and the people in it). Even though I am a natural introvert, I really enjoyed the process of communal interaction. I was generally cheerful, often just plain goofy, and usually quite considerate and caring, even though my sense of humor tended to be relatively dark and I definitely had the propensity for periods of extreme instrospection and sometimes - might as well not candy-coat it - depression (which were usually pretty short and kept pretty personal).
I moved to Seattle (and the West Coast, in general) with very good intentions and an excited, eager - hell, nearly a giddy outlook. I was flat-out happy to be moving to an area that I had built up so much in my mind. To me, the Pacific Northwest was the epitome of "cool" - where music, nature, cofee, and outdoor sports ruled and laid back and progressive attitudes prevailed. Well, you could say that I was slightly underwhelmed by the time that I spent there - not by the area, mind you (the natural surroundings are AWESOME out there) - but by the lack of meaningful friendships that we were able to foster and our seeming inability to find comfortable social surroundings. While I definitely did make good friends - friends that I truly value and appreciate - I really never felt accepted or welcomed by Seattle in general. Although very polite, Seattle is absolutely notorious for being a very unfriendly place for those perceived as "outsiders." It's called "The Seattle Freeze" and people have written about it...like this article, for instance (which sums it up quite nicely).
At least partially due to this, somewhere in the last four years, I seem to have developed a sort of wall around myself. I became very cynical and negative - and created a persona for myself that seemed to scream, "you know what? who gives a shit." After awhile (and after coming to the realization that my efforts to make friends seemed to be a pretty futile enterprise), I pretty much stopped making an effort to be pleasant to people and started saying pretty much whatever I was thinking - which was usually quite negative. A few people thought that this was pretty funny and those people tended to like me. Most people were probably somewhat alienated by it - which was fine with me - I was feeling alienated, anyway.
The issue with the "who gives a shit" attitude - for me, at least - is that deep down, I really do give a shit. This is problematic. When your external persona doesn't match your internal composition, you're pretty much asking for personal trouble.
After a couple of years of feeling pretty "down" about everything and really wanting to get back to the east coast to be closer to family, I have come to the conclusion that I really don't like the personality that I've developed over the past few years. It's all sarcasm, cynicism, and cold intellect - which is great for an observational comedian or someone who succeeds wildly at pub trivia - but not so much for someone who is generally lonely and just wants to make friends in unfamiliar places. My personality has become a series of self-defense mechanisms. That's not me - not really, anyway.
Wow, those preceeding few paragraphs were the most personal things that I've written in quite awhile. Didn't expect all of that to come out. Anyway - sorry for the long and personal diatribe about my mental shortcomings...but this does relate to the original topic...and hey...at least I'm being honest.
Back to the original point...in conjunction with development of my irritating alterna-personality, it also seems that I have somehow lost my ability to decipher what it is that I really enjoy. I don't enjoy much of anything in the truest sense of the word lately. I don't even really get excited about things that I know that I really like. Which makes it pretty damn hard to write out a list of "things that make life worth living" or "things to be truly thankful for."
I mean - it's easy to write this list in generalities - you can put together a list of "stuff I'm thankful for" in about two seconds if you don't really give it any thought. For most people, a list consisting of: family, friends, neighbors, their town/city, pets, love, a scattering of nature-related references, and a few random material things would most likely suffice. A list like that could be written by a second-grader for a class project in about 15 minutes (figuring in breaks for paste-eating and vigorous nose-picking).
But when you're considering this list, I think that it's more important that you be specific. What - exactly - do you value? What makes you happy?
Well, now that I've bored you with an exceptionally long (and likely irritating) introduction, here is my list of "things to be thankful for" and/or "things that make life worth living." It's by no means a complete list, but these are the things that come to my mind when I consider my own contentment.
Thanks for reading.
Things That Make Life Worth Living
(or Things I'm Thankful For)
(or Things I'm Thankful For)
The feeling I get from writing.
A cold wind.
Climbing on rocks, but not necessarily rock climbing.
Seeing my family happy.
Anticapatory gut tightening before plummeting down a steep ski run.
Pumpkins and hay rides.
Trying to see things from a kid's perspective.
Watching someone slip on ice (but not get hurt).
Discovering good music and sharing it with someone else.
Cold water after hiking.
Going to the city after awhile in the country.
Going to the country after awhile in the city.
Being the DJ.
Getting excited and happy about little, stupid things.
Kerry laughing.
Boat rides.
Humor.
Traveling and seeing something new.
Books that make me laugh and think simultaneously.
Playing basketball.
Creating something unique.
Hearing from someone unexpected.
Crudely drawn robots.
The Adirondacks.
The Avett Brothers' song "Die, Die, Die."
Snow.
Chubby babies.
The eerie, yet awkwardly reassuring silence of the forest.
Water fights.
Seeing someone succeed who really deserves it.
Waking up in the parking lot of a music festival.
My big red VW van.
Collaboration with friends.
Grungy and gritty music venues.
Sunday afternoon football.
Reading by candlelight and pretending that makes you cooler than you actually are.
Doing something other people can enjoy.
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